The Shaman had a powerful & profound affect on me that week in the jungle. when he approached me in the thick darkness of the circular ceremony room, & inquired, “Do you still have the pain in your back?”. The answer was yes, ... but it took my brain a moment to process the question. Being a little stunned that he remembered at all, and was approaching at this time to ask me directly. I basked momentarily in his personal attention on me, like a star pupil, as he motioned me to the front of the room. Still mildly confused.
A dim lantern, it’s warm glow reflecting from the shiny objects of the altar like collection; crystals, rocks, feathers & other tools of the trade, showed me the space up front, where I to moved to on all fours. Laying face down on the hard wood of the floor, I could not see much, but was aware as he knelt by my side. Somewhere in the room, watching this begin to happen, someone quietly said, “I’m confused…” To which, back into the dark room, I first think, - then reply, “…me too…”
A dim lantern, it’s warm glow reflecting from the shiny objects of the altar like collection; crystals, rocks, feathers & other tools of the trade, showed me the space up front, where I to moved to on all fours. Laying face down on the hard wood of the floor, I could not see much, but was aware as he knelt by my side. Somewhere in the room, watching this begin to happen, someone quietly said, “I’m confused…” To which, back into the dark room, I first think, - then reply, “…me too…”
As the week progressed, the ache in my lower back had become increasingly sore. I had a strong intuition that it was related to my mission, here this week: to clear myself of some of my issues & troubles by drinking a jungle tea which promised to free me from the emotional layers that we pile up in a Western society. I wanted to break the assumptions upon assumptions that we, sometimes falsely, base our modern day lives on. I wanted to get to the core of the real me, at least! I wanted to feel good. The medicinal plant Ayahuasca - & our hosts - promised this to be, and thus far, it seemed to be working. Something was happening. But this particular thing seemed rooted in the physical. It felt sore.
Outside of Iquitos, Peru, in the real, live, actual, Amazon Jungle, I find myself emotionally closer, to former recent strangers, than to people at home that I’d known for years. Twenty -three of us have been here 6 days.
I reach back silently with one hand & point out the exact location of my distress to the Ayahuasquero. Laying my head on my hands, to keep it off the wooden floor, he seemed to move his hand in a circle on the area directly at the base of my tailbone. Just above my ass. I felt nothing special, I had no otherworldly sensation, just touch of a person. What was happening? I was very pleased to have this director of the Other World ‘operating’ on my jointly understood ailment, but I expected more sensation. Something! As he took a swig of his perfumed ointment, enhanced oils that are used for healing & anointment, & spray-blew-spit it forcefully & directly onto my tailbone, I felt it. Felt something. Mystical sensation! An instant momentary coolness, as if a hollow had opened into my unknown issue & he forced the mist mixture into me & onto it. But I didn’t have time to process this yet, for the instant it touched my skin, my outstretched feet & my hands popped off the floor unexpectedly! Involuntarily, like a reverse cardiac arrest victim without the “clear!”. I fish flopped like that 3 times in a row. Unable to resist the reaction, that was simultaneous with his medicine man blow spray. Whoa!
The purge is part of the process. It’s assumed that most folks will exorcise some of their personal demons through the release of bodily fluids, & other ways; Generally vomiting, & shitting. Sweat, laughter, verbal & tears as well. It’s remarkable how quickly you can become comfortable with your own & others expulsions in a small room in the dark. Fully exposed & not caring. Deeply troubled souls would wretch loudly as they, in some cases, literally puked out their past traumas & formative incidents. It was a relieving sense of accomplishment to have achieved this freeing breakthrough. I had had a small sense of this earlier, as I worked up a few smaller pukes of my own. I had this unwavering sense that I was ‘getting at it’. ‘It’, being some deep hidden emotional thing that made me who I am… Who I was, in that normal flawed human way. Nothing serious, just from the experiences that make us the quirky idiosyncratic humans we are. The things that cause us to be insecure, or assholes, or shy, or traumatized or or or, any number of personal issues that cause us the friction of human interactions, most of us lament but take for granted. I don’t know why, but I ‘knew’, or felt I knew… I had this strong sense that whatever this constant dull backache was, it was not a physical ailment. At least not yet. It was the manifestation of something, possibly stress related, maybe emotionally caused, perhaps the earliest pre-conditions of an illness, but something serious. I don’t know for sure, but i know I’m glad it’s gone.
The shaman created a unique unsettling noise, as he seemed to be sucking, like a cowboy removing venom from a snake bite. The sound was like letting the air squeak out of a balloon, but in reverse & more organic. Once his inhaling breath had ‘drawn’ whatever it was doing, he would hoark & spit this nastiness out. It was a deep phlegmatic spit. Haaaaachrk! Without being able to see, I had only his sounds to piece together what was going on. It was clear, by sound, that it was an unpleasantness that one did not want in ones mouth! Thoroughly expectorating all traces from the deepest throat clearing, sinus draining spat, he could muster. He did this deep draw & clearing spit 4 or 5 times.
My earlier ayahuasca sessions this week had led to this. Working on letting go & having the spirit of Papa Tua, the head ayahuasca medicine spirit, show me what I needed to see & learn what I needed to learn. Some conscious, some not. Throwing up did provide some sense of accomplishment & relief, but my back had still ached. I had made passing note of it to the Shaman during our morning talks throughout the week, that traditionally follow the previous nights ayahuasca experience. I didn’t know that, or even if, he was aware. No matter. As he would teach us, the spirits tell him things as he guides & protects us during our ventures in the Other world. This is how he knew to be in the right spot in the ceremony house, before someone asked for explanation, or help. Some reported him being in two places at once. No one questioned this.
Afterward, some of those present had conflicting reviews. In that dim light a few saw the Shamans face take on a red, dragon like quality. Another saw an indigenous tribesman. Most saw me popping off the floor 3 times in a row. I had little other sensations. The following day, I would be told that the Shaman had no recollection of what ailment he dealt with. Once an issue is brought to his attention, from the ether, he invokes the spirit or spirits required to deal with it. Whatever it & they may be. He takes on the qualities required to deal with things, it possessing him, to allow the job to be done. He did not know the taste, nor the source. Only that it had been dealt with succesfully.
I asked if it was OK to lay there a bit longer, as i contemplated, & perhaps healed, from this cosmic surgery. In his usual persona, voice & caring manner now, he said, “Stay as long as you like”. I’m not sure why, but this was very comforting. I eventually would again, crawl back to my mat, in the inky warm blackness, being careful not to get into anyone’s spot or space, & curled up with my blanket & pillow to bask in the psychedelic afterglow of the plant medicine. Its ego dissolving properties would create the usual warmth & caring for all the individuals in this room, once the session was formally ended. A welcome respite from the thoughts & visual intensity a cup of the bitter tea will bring. 'Come for the ayahuasca, stay for the other parts', was my slogan for the week. Engaging in ceremony became the necessary prerequisite to walk in this neon technicolor Persian palatial Christmas neighborhood, but the people, relationships, the revelations & conversations that came out of it, after, for me became the strongest part.
I will likely never know what afflicted my back that week, or what might have in the future. I will never know what might have been. But I know what I felt. And that place, in that jungle, in that Shamans care & power, gave me an unwavering sense that it was ‘ something’. Something that mattered, & something that was good for having dealt with it. And not just that, but all the things that I saw, felt, & happened that week. Some worldly, some other worldly and I feel that I am a better human for it. It was good, and I am going back again, that’s how I know it was good.
My work is not done. I feel I have a couple more layers to peel back, & with the benefit of experience, I think a better set of sea legs will allow me to continue what I started, even though going into it, I had no idea exactly what i was starting. I am grateful for the journey, the opportunity, the people & the experience.
My work is not done. I feel I have a couple more layers to peel back, & with the benefit of experience, I think a better set of sea legs will allow me to continue what I started, even though going into it, I had no idea exactly what i was starting. I am grateful for the journey, the opportunity, the people & the experience.
As the lights came on, & our eyes woozily adjust, my new found soul brother, a hippy PHD from Austin, gathers as usual to discuss our shared & individual evening experiences, only this time he is bursting, “ holy shit dude, that was wild! I’ve never witnessed an Assorcism before!”
It was the beginning of a long time friendship.
It was the beginning of a long time friendship.
